Friday, September 20, 2019

stillness and reframing productivity

learning how to hammock in Colombia

I am learning how to relax. I've not very good at sitting still. I can keep myself busy, and master a check-list and perfectly arrange my time to fit as much as I can into my days. There are very few moments I have allowed myself to truly rest, not through the action of meditation, or Constructive rest, or the container of a nap, but just having stillness in my body and setting aside the rambling list of things-to-do. This is my radical act.

We live in a society, and I was raised within a household, where productivity and how much I do are significantly valued. It is hard to stop when you feel like your self-worth is intrinsically tied to continuing to do. As I struggle between my value and my time, time to wander in thought, to ignore the forever-long list of doing, I find more freedom in relaxing. Unwinding the impulse to continue doing allows me to slow into the taskless oblivion of living. Life doesn't have to be all of the things we do, it can also be all of the things we sense and perceive, the things we feel and find.

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